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Hey Loves~ I just returned from the Philadelphia Transgender Health Conference, and you know what kept me calm? Hooping and a bindi on my heart.

For me, when I have on a  bindi, (found on Amazon, of course!) on my heart, then I have this beautiful marker on a tender point. It serves as a reminder to listen with my heart, give the benefit of the doubt, and to not take things so personally.   If you need one when you come in, tell me and I’ll get you fixed right up.   Other exciting news is someone I greatly admire has joined up to Team Urban Curandera to help with some of the technical back end.   Hellooooooo Alejandra!

Bindi on heart!   Love for the win, Xo Rowan

My FaceBook post a couple of weeks ago.

“y’all, my grandmother died last night. The one who taught me through actions and words so many things, one of the biggest that it is totally possible to earn a living as a local wise woman/alternative health practitioner. If you have felt her love through me, could you give me a thumbs up, a hell yeah or hands in the air? She was awesome like that. Like me. Like You.”

I got a 133 likes, and over 50 comments. Wowzers. I’m thinking about all the things she taught me, either healing specific, “Those thongs, I don’t like them! How are you supposed to be free with that all up in there?” or about life, “Let your husband be the head of the household, so what?! Let him! You be the neck, what is he without the neck? Nothing.” And as I’ve been writing on Labor Whispering, MapBook for mamas, I kept FEELING her here with me, so strong, looking over my shoulder, “say more about that, no take that out” and then just had this over whelming sense of, “How can you teach them to get the baby out, its not even in there yet.” To which I say to the grandmother in my head, “UM, maybe they don’t need a lesbian to tell them how to get pregnant.” Her reply? “YA, well maybe some do.” So what I know is that the only way to guarantee you will get preganant is to be underage in the back seat of a car with someone you haven’t known all that long  in a parking lot after a rock concert. That’s pretty much a done deal. So I shoved the Labor Whispering Mapbook for Mamas onto a back burner, got looped up on allergy meds, went on a writing marathon, and finished the entire first draft of a redo of some notes I had from a past workshop. I shot it over to a friend for editing. 3300 words, 9 pages, Prelude to Fertility, My GrandMothers’ Wisdom. Boom. Next step? Story boarding for the PDF.

And the friend I shot it over to for editing? Yeah, she already shot it back, in less than 24 hours, she’s good like that. Alejandra Ortega, mucho smoocho to ya. So I’ll work it over some more, apply my fancy PDF class knowledge from Jewels Branch Creative, and get it out ASAP. And I think my work is focused on folks who want some natural support for fertility, maybe they are not getting pregnant as fast as they hoped, wanting to try some natural options before heading into the fertility specialists. Perfecto. Here are 15 plus tips that you may not have ever heard of that will help you get that bun in your oven. xo, Rowan * Bless Me, Ultima came out this week on film. I had the great fortune to have Ms. Gwendolyn Green as my high school English teacher in the ’80’s. She had us read the book as an assignment, and then invited Rudolfo Anaya to speak to our English classes. It was awesome, and he said that as he kept writing his book, he HEARD Ultima say from over his shoulder, “You’ll never be successful with this book until you put me in there.” Grandmothers, sheesh, they think they know everything.

Talking to Smokey Red, a cab driver that was toting me back from an outcall, spurred this post.

He thinks driving a cab fucking sucks. He had a list of reasons it wasn’t working for him, and a resteraunt supply catalog jammed up on his dashboard. Said he’d only be driving a cab for 4 or 5, maybe even 6 weeks more. He had visions of a food trailer, toting barbecue, feeding people, that’s his passion. So what’s the plan, cab driving man? “Well, I don’t really have it written down, its all in my head.” And I wanted to support him, kick him in the ass a little, cause I don’t want it to stay “all in his head.” Keeping it all in your head makes you nuts. At first you obssess about your good idea, then you tallk about it all the time, and somehow all this talking makes you think you are getting somehwere, you buy a few random items that could, in theory, be part of your empire, if they, you know, worked right, had that missing wheel, or in the case of Smokey Red, if his trailer was code compliant, had that extra critical thingamabober, whatever. But in reality what you have is a bunch of wasted time, shit talking, friends and family who dont wanna hear about “your good idea” anymore, and a bunch of broken down crap and clutter. If it was a tarot reading, it would look like this.

Enter the year 2012, The Year of Getting Shit Done.  Not an entrepruner you say? Thats cool, expand yourself, try these out on your nine to fiver or on your domestic goddess domain, or stop reading right now, but for the love of biscuits find SOMETHING that contributes to your personal growth. Not your spouse, not the dogs, not the kids, but for YOUUUUUUUUU. Just You, we will all be better for it. Still with me? Great. Step right on over and sign up for this dude’s blog, Chuck Blakeman. He wrote a piece about how to effectively goal set, and instead of either sweeping general plans (see above) he wants you to figure out your next set of goals, cause we all know shit gets real when you write it down. Lets do a quick check in here, HOW ARE THOSE NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS DOING? you know, the ones you made like less than two weeks ago? Yeah, thats what she said. Gee. Lets try something different. Won’t it be FUCKING AMAZING to not be staring back at 2012 going, “well damn, another year of not getting blah blah blah done.” Instead we will be doing elaborate secret code handshakes cause we rule our school, invested in ourselves, and created the life we want. We can be cool like that. Yes. Do me a favor (and you too) Comment below. Pick one from your list of 4-10 and tell me what this month’s objective is. Look, I’ll go first. I’m gonna relocate my clinic, move a bunch of furniture, and temporarily work from my groovy tree house apt while my awesome landlady, her old man, and myself build out my fantasy healing art space in the studio below the apt. For reals. We will, we will, rock this. Tell me your dream thats gonna come true. xo to the max, rowan

Howdy~ Ever lost your sh!t over money? The major melt down that looks like, “Screw it, I’ll never figure this out, my next option is to throw my self off the 59 bridge.” Below is an actual excerpt of a meltdown email, written by moi …..

      I got it last night (as I wept to myself in frustration and anger) that I don’t have enough money to manage. That I constantly scheme and move shit around to make things work, and that I’m exhausted and cant seem to possibly work any harder, and didn’t want to face a brick wall of reality of oh shit Im doing everything I can think of, and its still not enough, oh fuck, what now.

What happened then? Cause this is pretty neat airplane nose dive, right? Going one way, and thats down. Crash and burn. Flames. Done. I looked at my primary agreements around money…..       My agreements seem to be that I will work nonstop and never change the outcome.  Then I assessed the situation, without the emotions….      I am a mess And then I decided to change my mantra, and get healp (you know healing help, HEALP HEALP!!) ……….  I have a vision. a series of videos on how to help women get preg, mind, emotion, body & spirit. bschool style.  I can rock this. i can open myself up to more flow. I am of tremendous value, and today I am showing myself that with money. Thanks for holding my hand as I navigate this rough sea, rowan   Like who do you even send an email like this to? All full of typos, miss spellings and just raw PAIN? The I just threw up, I’m so not pretty, can you help me get the spew out of my hair email?! I sent this to my girl Bari, with who I’m doing a program with, an online course to help me just start TRACKING my money, which has all let all my “I am financial loser,” feeling-a-thon rise up. Wanna know why this is wonderful? Cause all this has been buried deep, so deep. And as it bubbles up, I can address it, look at it, lance that nasty boil, (ooooh, you so nasty!) All those (40) years of not good enough, thats not a real job, why cant you keep your money shit together like everyone else, what the HELL is wrong with you, that I have super squashed into a tiny little spot in my foot or some other place that hurts like hell. I said LANCE THAT [email protected]!! Get some massive RELIEF. See what Bari sent back?

Rowan,  i hear you. i see you. i feel you. i understand. hang in there...you are clearly on the brink of change here. and the waters can be rough and then they will smooth out, but the rough ones need to be ridden...as you know. i have been there. the slow movement will speed up...just continue... And, hold the Vision...I love it. And, YOU would Rock it. I will hold this with you.
The world needs you to do this and bring this to them!  with love, bari

Is that just perfect or what? Like a cool compress on an angry bursting boil, easing the transition, and not afraid of the spew and goo. I adore this woman. Therapist turned financial maven. She has a a new program starting up.  Its about money and worth and something else and hell I don’t really know. I just know that I’ll be there, watching my little inbox and doing what she says. Cause I’m totally over being poisoned by toxic money beliefs, and this the YEAR of getting it together. So join me learning from Bari , see if you love her as much as I do. I’m not going to suffer like this any more. Its painful. Join me in healing. All in this together, Rowan