Howdy~ Ever lost your sh!t over money? The major melt down that looks like, “Screw it, I’ll never figure this out, my next option is to throw my self off the 59 bridge.” Below is an actual excerpt of a meltdown email, written by moi …..

      I got it last night (as I wept to myself in frustration and anger) that I don’t have enough money to manage. That I constantly scheme and move shit around to make things work, and that I’m exhausted and cant seem to possibly work any harder, and didn’t want to face a brick wall of reality of oh shit Im doing everything I can think of, and its still not enough, oh fuck, what now.

What happened then? Cause this is pretty neat airplane nose dive, right? Going one way, and thats down. Crash and burn. Flames. Done. I looked at my primary agreements around money…..       My agreements seem to be that I will work nonstop and never change the outcome.  Then I assessed the situation, without the emotions….      I am a mess.  And then I decided to change my mantra, and get healp (you know healing help, HEALP HEALP!!) ……….  I have a vision. a series of videos on how to help women get preg, mind, emotion, body & spirit. bschool style.  I can rock this. i can open myself up to more flow. I am of tremendous value, and today I am showing myself that with money. Thanks for holding my hand as I navigate this rough sea, rowan   Like who do you even send an email like this to? All full of typos, miss spellings and just raw PAIN? The I just threw up, I’m so not pretty, can you help me get the spew out of my hair email?! I sent this to my girl Bari, with who I’m doing a program with, an online course to help me just start TRACKING my money, which has all let all my “I am financial loser,” feeling-a-thon rise up. Wanna know why this is wonderful? Cause all this has been buried deep, so deep. And as it bubbles up, I can address it, look at it, lance that nasty boil, (ooooh, you so nasty!) All those (40) years of not good enough, thats not a real job, why cant you keep your money shit together like everyone else, what the HELL is wrong with you, that I have super squashed into a tiny little spot in my foot or some other place that hurts like hell. I said LANCE THAT M@THERTRUCKER!! Get some massive RELIEF. See what Bari sent back?

Rowan,  i hear you. i see you. i feel you. i understand. hang in there...you are clearly on the brink of change here. and the waters can be rough and then they will smooth out, but the rough ones need to be ridden...as you know. i have been there. the slow movement will speed up...just continue... And, hold the Vision...I love it. And, YOU would Rock it. I will hold this with you.

The world needs you to do this and bring this to them!  with love, bari

Is that just perfect or what? Like a cool compress on an angry bursting boil, easing the transition, and not afraid of the spew and goo. I adore this woman. Therapist turned financial maven. She has a a new program starting up.  Its about money and worth and something else and hell I don’t really know. I just know that I’ll be there, watching my little inbox and doing what she says. Cause I’m totally over being poisoned by toxic money beliefs, and this the YEAR of getting it together. So join me learning from Bari , see if you love her as much as I do. I’m not going to suffer like this any more. Its painful. Join me in healing. All in this together, Rowan