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Well Belly & Scar Reduction – $145 Problem: Know what? Scars can really mess up your life. It’s what you don’t see that is dangerous.

Large and in charge.
What you see is not what you get!

When they occur internally, your organs, muscles, and bones are bound together with some crazy strong connective tissue that your body sets up as an overachieving healing response. Abdominal scars can occur after ANY abdominal surgeries,  gall bladder removal, appendix, lap band, tube tying, endometrious scopes, colon resections and, of course, hysterectomies and surgical births, causing wonky adhesions (like in your diagphram, hello shortness of breath!), upsetting digestive, reproductive and structural systems.

Folks who have had breast augmentation or removal can create scarring that restricts movement and looks like hell. And really, chest pride is awesome, especially when you’ve had surgery to get you there. So let me help with that, k? Got scars other places? Like from when you where ten and broke your arm being Evel Knievel? Still doable. South of the border? No biggie. I can work wherever, whenever, we will navigate it together. Teamwork

love.
Here is the Plan: Lets work together to reduce them, one little adhesion at a time. I don’t want you to have a life where your organs and reproduction aren’t working well. Not going to accept that. NO.

Heat, conversation, massage and aromatherapy commonly un~adhere the scars from the underlying tissues, creating EASE and an increase in function. I’ll set you up with the magic scar reducing massage oil blend and I’m going to coach you on how to massage and heal yourself, so you may decide to quit me, but that’s ok. Your healing and happy is what this session is all about. PS This is suuuuper important for mamas wanting more babies. Dr Davidson over at Ben Taub says that adhesions and scars is the number one VBAC nemesis.

Doulas Rock. **Think about how long a bride plans for her wedding, and then compare that to how much time folks invest into education and planning for a birth. Let’s shift all that. A doula helps you look at options, offers feedback as you design and decide what would feel best for your baby’s birth. Hospital, birth center, at home, what’s right for you? Where do you feel best? Who do you want there? What medication (if any)? ‘Cause really the worst (and funniest) response to the question, “Do you have a birth plan?” was “I’m planning to have a God damn baby, why do you think I’m here?!

Best Massage Doula EVER  Package~ $1900 Includes one prenatal visit so we can get to know each other, your partner can meet me, and we review the birth plan, and then:

3 Prenatal Massage sessions

1 Labor Whisperer massage session (where we get your pelvis muscles loose and juicy, energy blockages cleared, and the labor ball rolling) 1 Postpartum Session to help reset your body chemistry, check on your belly and take care of any sore new mommy muscles. 1 in-home awesome postpartum FOOT MASSAGE with clapping and cheering for you ’cause you did such a great job birthing your baby. Unlimited hours of labor support, and massage massage massage during your labor. Let’s do our best to provide You and Your family the birth you desire. Please review the Doula Contract to learn more. ** some clever doula that is not me first came up with this analogy.

 

High risk pregnancy? No problemo.UCGC_230px

Best Pregnancy Ever- $1400

  • 9 Prenatal Massage sessions
  • 1 Bring It, Baby! massage session (where we get mama’s muscles loose and juicy, energy blockages cleared, and the labor ball rolling)
  • 1 Postpartum Session to help reset mama’s body chemistry, check on her belly and take care of any sore new mommy muscles.

  And because I’m pretty sure I’m going to be in love with mama, baby and new family at this point I’d like to come to  hospital or home and give an awesome FOOT MASSAGE and clap and cheer. ‘Cause Mamas Rock.  

Any of y’all been “Over Due?”

Like all eyes on you, you’re having sporadic contactions, and the daily query…….”Is it time yet?” That’s me. I’m contracting, rhythmic referred pain in my inner thighs, all excited. Almost there! I’ll have the Labor Whispering~ Mapbook for Mamas out in a month. Tops. Designed to help mamas everywhere go through any inner blockages, and clear the way for an empowered birth, start their labor. So cloooooose. Right now I need soft sweet comments of encouragement, you know, like you would for a mama in labor? xo, Rowan

Oh tarot, you know I love you. It probably loves me back.

I’ve been reading cards for about twenty years, most of those years professionally. Two choices: I can read for you, either in person or online. Use the “Book Now”/get read by Rowan link to make it happen. Choice 2) I can teach you how to read your own self. The Friday Night Witches and Bitches club meets at Texas Art Asylum right here in Houston, its an ongoing start-where-you-are type of class. That rules.

There is wine, shit talking, self expression, lots of learning. It’s AWESOME. 3rd option (it’s not finished yet, so thats why I didn’t mention it before)  a self study online course for Tarot Creatives. I’ll get that to ya next Halloween, 2014! So let’s get to reading!

Ever have a case of the hots so big it ENGULFS you? Body warm and tingly, all amped up and ready to GO GO GO? Perfect, cause that’s a great way to get your hormones going, and thats what this game is all about, right?

Or how about another brother from another mother?

This is the deal, YOUR orgasm gets the sex hormones flowing, and your cervix responding, so lets implement what i call the “Orgasm a Day Plan,” or ODP for short.   With the ODP its not super necessary that you are getting sperm by your cervix, although a little prostaglandins wouldn’t hurt (like sperm or evening primrose.) The real goal here is to have a massively awesome “OHHHHHHHHH,” and then reap the benefits of all that relaxing and cervical softening. So starting around 37 weeks, earlier if you’d like ( and really who wouldn’t?!!) start the OAD plan and lest see if we can get that cervix dilating, soft and ready so that when its GO GO Gadget Labor time, you have way less work to do. Whoot Whoot! xo, Rowan Dig this post? Signup for my newsletter to get more action, lol.

Talking to Smokey Red, a cab driver that was toting me back from an outcall, spurred this post.

He thinks driving a cab fucking sucks. He had a list of reasons it wasn’t working for him, and a resteraunt supply catalog jammed up on his dashboard. Said he’d only be driving a cab for 4 or 5, maybe even 6 weeks more. He had visions of a food trailer, toting barbecue, feeding people, that’s his passion. So what’s the plan, cab driving man? “Well, I don’t really have it written down, its all in my head.” And I wanted to support him, kick him in the ass a little, cause I don’t want it to stay “all in his head.” Keeping it all in your head makes you nuts. At first you obssess about your good idea, then you tallk about it all the time, and somehow all this talking makes you think you are getting somehwere, you buy a few random items that could, in theory, be part of your empire, if they, you know, worked right, had that missing wheel, or in the case of Smokey Red, if his trailer was code compliant, had that extra critical thingamabober, whatever. But in reality what you have is a bunch of wasted time, shit talking, friends and family who dont wanna hear about “your good idea” anymore, and a bunch of broken down crap and clutter. If it was a tarot reading, it would look like this.

Enter the year 2012, The Year of Getting Shit Done.  Not an entrepruner you say? Thats cool, expand yourself, try these out on your nine to fiver or on your domestic goddess domain, or stop reading right now, but for the love of biscuits find SOMETHING that contributes to your personal growth. Not your spouse, not the dogs, not the kids, but for YOUUUUUUUUU. Just You, we will all be better for it. Still with me? Great. Step right on over and sign up for this dude’s blog, Chuck Blakeman. He wrote a piece about how to effectively goal set, and instead of either sweeping general plans (see above) he wants you to figure out your next set of goals, cause we all know shit gets real when you write it down. Lets do a quick check in here, HOW ARE THOSE NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS DOING? you know, the ones you made like less than two weeks ago? Yeah, thats what she said. Gee. Lets try something different. Won’t it be FUCKING AMAZING to not be staring back at 2012 going, “well damn, another year of not getting blah blah blah done.” Instead we will be doing elaborate secret code handshakes cause we rule our school, invested in ourselves, and created the life we want. We can be cool like that. Yes. Do me a favor (and you too) Comment below. Pick one from your list of 4-10 and tell me what this month’s objective is. Look, I’ll go first. I’m gonna relocate my clinic, move a bunch of furniture, and temporarily work from my groovy tree house apt while my awesome landlady, her old man, and myself build out my fantasy healing art space in the studio below the apt. For reals. We will, we will, rock this. Tell me your dream thats gonna come true. xo to the max, rowan

Howdy~ Ever lost your sh!t over money? The major melt down that looks like, “Screw it, I’ll never figure this out, my next option is to throw my self off the 59 bridge.” Below is an actual excerpt of a meltdown email, written by moi …..

      I got it last night (as I wept to myself in frustration and anger) that I don’t have enough money to manage. That I constantly scheme and move shit around to make things work, and that I’m exhausted and cant seem to possibly work any harder, and didn’t want to face a brick wall of reality of oh shit Im doing everything I can think of, and its still not enough, oh fuck, what now.

What happened then? Cause this is pretty neat airplane nose dive, right? Going one way, and thats down. Crash and burn. Flames. Done. I looked at my primary agreements around money…..       My agreements seem to be that I will work nonstop and never change the outcome.  Then I assessed the situation, without the emotions….      I am a mess And then I decided to change my mantra, and get healp (you know healing help, HEALP HEALP!!) ……….  I have a vision. a series of videos on how to help women get preg, mind, emotion, body & spirit. bschool style.  I can rock this. i can open myself up to more flow. I am of tremendous value, and today I am showing myself that with money. Thanks for holding my hand as I navigate this rough sea, rowan   Like who do you even send an email like this to? All full of typos, miss spellings and just raw PAIN? The I just threw up, I’m so not pretty, can you help me get the spew out of my hair email?! I sent this to my girl Bari, with who I’m doing a program with, an online course to help me just start TRACKING my money, which has all let all my “I am financial loser,” feeling-a-thon rise up. Wanna know why this is wonderful? Cause all this has been buried deep, so deep. And as it bubbles up, I can address it, look at it, lance that nasty boil, (ooooh, you so nasty!) All those (40) years of not good enough, thats not a real job, why cant you keep your money shit together like everyone else, what the HELL is wrong with you, that I have super squashed into a tiny little spot in my foot or some other place that hurts like hell. I said LANCE THAT M@THERTRUCKER!! Get some massive RELIEF. See what Bari sent back?

Rowan,  i hear you. i see you. i feel you. i understand. hang in there...you are clearly on the brink of change here. and the waters can be rough and then they will smooth out, but the rough ones need to be ridden...as you know. i have been there. the slow movement will speed up...just continue... And, hold the Vision...I love it. And, YOU would Rock it. I will hold this with you.
The world needs you to do this and bring this to them!  with love, bari

Is that just perfect or what? Like a cool compress on an angry bursting boil, easing the transition, and not afraid of the spew and goo. I adore this woman. Therapist turned financial maven. She has a a new program starting up.  Its about money and worth and something else and hell I don’t really know. I just know that I’ll be there, watching my little inbox and doing what she says. Cause I’m totally over being poisoned by toxic money beliefs, and this the YEAR of getting it together. So join me learning from Bari , see if you love her as much as I do. I’m not going to suffer like this any more. Its painful. Join me in healing. All in this together, Rowan