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18 Tricks & Tips to get Preggers (Besides the obvious! Can’t help you with that.) 25 years of notes from my grandmothers’, senior midwives and my own client successes, at your service to get a bun in your oven. Years, people, years of having an ear out for the quirky stuff, the old wives tales, the “hmmmm, that worked?” for folks struggling with fertility.

Prelude to Fertility, My Grandmothers’ Wisdom – $5

  • Hands Off  ~ Let’s take a look at common sense items like nutrition, and not so common ideas like what kind of knickers to sport to promote fertility.
  • Hands On ~ I’ll teach you places on your body to massage, reflex, and push that promote a healthy, fertile belly.
  • Body Influencing ~ Ways you probably never ever thought of to get your body primed and juicy. (My grandmothers, yowza, they are all about the doozies, the old school tried and true. Things we forget with our more modern medical world.)

You know what I want for you? A better relationship with your body, and lots of ways to promote a healthy, happy belly, including a daily belly mini massage routine! Best case scenario, you get a baby bump. Worst case scenario, you have learned a bunch about your body, your partner, and can be comforted that you’ve tried darn near everything that was crunchy and non medical. I’m voting for the bump.

You wanna know why I started to hoop?

To heal a broken heart. And it did. I did. We did it together. I invite all folks to come hoop with me – beginner , advanced, and even the I-can’t-keep-it-up newbie. It’s all going to be fun fun fun. Hooping Heals. See all those different shapes of bodies? (That’s me in the black.) I’d love for you to join me. Hooping Details right over here……at  Punk Rock Hoops Best place to buy hoops in Houston? NiaMoves

Oh tarot, you know I love you. It probably loves me back.

I’ve been reading cards for about twenty years, most of those years professionally. Two choices: I can read for you, either in person or online. Use the “Book Now”/get read by Rowan link to make it happen. Choice 2) I can teach you how to read your own self. The Friday Night Witches and Bitches club meets at Texas Art Asylum right here in Houston, its an ongoing start-where-you-are type of class. That rules.

There is wine, shit talking, self expression, lots of learning. It’s AWESOME. 3rd option (it’s not finished yet, so thats why I didn’t mention it before)  a self study online course for Tarot Creatives. I’ll get that to ya next Halloween, 2014! So let’s get to reading!

Got this today in a Facebook message from another massage therapist, she was talking ’bout my website. That is the most bad ass site I have seen in a long while! I could learn lots from you! Dude your one awesome lady I must say! Thats what folks are supposed to say when they see your prime ONE real estate, right? Your web site? The site that pimps your skillz, engages the reader, and lets them know your personal juju. Amy does that for me. in a XONF! way.*

Thank the website gods for Amy. Seriously. Pay Attention Folks, cause this a love story. Dont wanna hear the adoration fest? Wanna get your web on? Skip ahead. I was set up on a blind date with this hottie one time, but I didnt realize it was a date, or a meetcha or whatever. And I was newly in a relationship, so wasn’t interested. At all. Lucky me. Cause when I met Amy, she decided to start coming to me for bodywork, and somewhere in all this she said I needed a website. In 2002. This is the beginning of Amy telling me what to do. It was embarrasing. Pages of Long Ass Rambling Copy, going nowhere, The actual website looked great, Amy’s part rocked, but my part, the words written on the page,

SUCKED.

I want to say right now THANK GODS she loved my bodywork. I needed her, and she has stuck with me.

We are on our third, yes three!! times, complete overhaul of my website. I can hear the screaming and crying now, “But its so good! So well done!!! A work of perfection!!” Oh come on now, that’s how we roll. We are gonna make some shit more awesome that you have ever dreamed possible. My answer to YOUR question of how can you some AMY? Sadly, maybe not going to happen guys. See, she’s a fancy artist now. And her plate is overflowing full. SO she’s taking a few clients on the side, but I mostly I like her best full of paint, hanging in her studio, and making ART in her most fabulous ways. MAKE ART,  NOT WEBSITES! So good thing for you I have a Plan. Plan A ~ For technotards like myself, folks with low tech skills, all heart and warm fuzzies, Step 1) get a FB business page.  This is mine, a fine example. Step 2) get yourself a pinterest page, like this bad girl: Urban Curandera Pinterest. Step 3) Link it to a Genbook Site. Look over my Urban Curandera Genbook Page, works great as a standalone website. It has what you need:  services, fee structures, reviews, and waaaaay most importantly lets folks schedule a freaking appointment without a bunch of lame ass phone tag. 20 bucks, monthly, an extra $15 for the social media part (do it). So add a “Book Now” Genbook link to your Fb page, and you are already rocking away. Trust me on this. And when you sign up, use this link cause i get a kickback. This is the advice I would of given myself 20 years a go when I fist started out. I could of made 3 times the money that first year with this advice. dude. sob.   What’s that you SAY?

You fancy yourself a web designer, or at least a little more savy? You want to be a little more snazzy, have a newsletter and email list, and more bang for your buck? Great, lets roll out plan B. You’re gonna need you some Forest so that your web presence doesn’t suck and look half ass. Forest Linden, is the hubs of a Bschool Sister and my something special that defies current words Bari Tessler.   He is alson known as the !Tech Husband! 

He is teaching folks how run an online business with his Web Tech Genius course.  If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by all the tech stuff you need to run a business, this is a game changer. dude. Forest has created a comprehensive, step-by-step video course on how to use all the web tools and software you need to create an online business that works and doesn’t super stinky suck. He walks you through every step in a sweet, fun way that actually makes sense. He doesn’t yell at you when you screw up, look around with a glazed look, hide in the garage or play a role playing game when you ask a question or have to watch a video (again). If you’ve been thinking about selling online courses, home study programs, or services like coaching, bodywork, doula care or some other awesome shit I haven’t heard of yet cause your online presence is weak, but the tech mumbo jumbo has been holding you up, this is for you.  The best part:  you don’t need to be tech savvy (at all) to do this. Just ready to watch again and again as needed. Which you can do. Totally no problem. Disclaimer ~ I get a kickback, but so far nothing major. Not like some tech husband sperm, or something, now we are TALKING!. Little tech babies!! ok, sorry (Bari) I got carried away. So if you are not totally stupid, sign up for Forest’s Web Tech class and get yourself going. Now. NOW NOW NOW NOW. Not ready to sign up? No problem, hop on over there and watch his free videos. See how much you can get done with free. Then decide if you are ready to get your prime real estate into the big leagues. The rest of us can stick with Plan A. XO to the Max, Rowan   * One day I was taking care of Amy after a surgery, a post op doula if you will, and we were at the drugstore killing time while we got her prescriptions filled. Trying on sunglasses, I said, ” Do you know what I’m going to do with  my nude modeling money?” And I got this look.

“Start from the beginning.” So I told her how I’d been discovered(!) in a coffee house cause an art teacher needed a curvey girl for her students, and somehow this involved being nude. I was pretty blase’ about it. Lauren, Amy’s honey, was not. She proclamed that she would of forked everyone in the eye who would of gazed upon Amy’s naked glory. So since then i’ve been Suuuuper careful to always make sure Amy and Lauren know that I love Amy to peices, in, you know, a non fork way 🙂 Every email I write ends in XONF!

UPDATED! Read all the way to the end, you are not going to believe this sh!t.* Anybody else read “For Whom The Bell Tolls?” I sure didn’t, even when it was assigned in high school. Rumor had it that it was gonna suck, so I opted out. I kinda wonder about that choice now, cause I’m pretty sure that since then I’ve heard that big bell tolling for me. Many Many Times. “Rooowwwwwaaaaaaaaannnnnn, this shit is never gonna work out and its all sorts of fucked upppppppppppppp……” And I’m also pretty sure that I heard that bell tolling when I was HOTand HEAVY and in LOVE with this cutie that found me in the ashes of a crushing dramatic lesbian divorce. This cutie was awesome, stuck up for me, thought I was pretty, and you know, wanted me when I felt like old toenail clippings. Life was perfect. Except it wasn’t. Not even close. We were talking about future plans, and because I’m a chronic social entrepreneur and she was recovering from a motorcycle injury (so butch! so hawt!) I had one of my GREAT FUCKING IDEAS!!! The plan: My new girl loved snow cones, raspas, all the way down to the minute detail of how the ice should be shaved, apparently she had been doing “research” for years, or at least that’s how I saw it. Like there is a freaking CULT of snowcone lovers, who knew?! All I saw was low overhead (sugar, ice, a scooper, food coloring), I knew a dude selling a food truck on the cheap, I figured we could talk someone into letting us rent an empty lot on Westheimer, score a few picnic tables and we would be blazing great guns. Have our friends dress in their drag troupe alter egos, come out and socialize, do a photo booth, hoop, screw off, HAVE FUN!! See the Vision?

I priced it out, 3 grand and Bobbi’s Balls would have been in business. Except she didnt wanna. Nada. Nothing. No. Thats cool I said, its only for the first summer, we will work our assess of but we will be together, we’re so in love! After that first summer we hire someone to manage the books, manage the truck, we will just have fun with folks having fun. See the BIG PICTURE? No dice. Cue the bell. Its starts tolling here. Riiiinnnngggggg. See, she explained to me, she wanted an easy job in middle management, where she worked 9-5, went home, and didn’t much care about it the J O B till she hit the door the next day. I waited for the punch line. And waited. Still waiting. OH MY FREAKING JEEZIE CREEZIE ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? THAT SOUNDS LIKE HELL!!!!!!!!!!! I tried to play it off, “hey, its cool, we can be different.” Lies. If you are like me, an entrepreneur that sees what isn’t there, has some awesome drive, enthusiasm, and isn’t quite sure how to get your bizness out in front of the best customers, I have your answer. Come on over and let me stoke ya at Circumference  See, instead of giving all my info away for free, I’m only talking when  folks are listening. So listen up, cause I’m gonna help you make your bizness dream come true. If you are more of a nine to five gal, hey its cool. Somebody has to be the employee, right? It’s just not ever gonna be me. xo rowan   * Updated: Holy CRAP!!! Guess who just bought a taco truck and is all excited about getting into the food truck business. BOBBI!!! I should be getting a thank you note and free whatever she’s going to sell for life, right? Dude.

Howdy Mamas. Ever thought of laughing yourself into labor? The Laugh until you Pee* method, a soon to be trademarked technique  just now coined by yours truly, is gaur on teeeed to work, well, not really but you WILL be in a much better mood. Start with this website, Happy Place

And if you aren’t contracting yet, go clear your bladder and read on….. Humor courtesy of our smart phones.   Need  more? Great, cause I started this Pinterest Board just for You, Laughter to Labor. And thats what I got, cause many times going into labor happens when Moms feel safe and happy, babies are ready, and Dads have a beer.   xo, Rowan *Ha! I totally know its not hard for you to pee on yourself, but you get the idea. AND it may not be pee this time, so there.