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Labor Whisperer Private Session – $225 What be this? A magical way on how to start labor? Well, almost. Many times I see the same 5 things over and over again holding a woman back from entering her labor excited and body confident. Let’s go through the list together and see what we can do to mitigate any blockages, loosen and prepare your muscles, check the position of your baby*, and create an attitude of joyous anticipation. Sometimes this massage gets the labor ball rolling, and other times a few of nights of serenity and wrapping up details occur first. I want to share every tool I have to assist you in an empowered, awesome labor journey.  This is a full 2 hour session. *Baby Position is super important, let’s see what we can do to get bebe’ optimally situated!

LOA baby, looking good!

Need more info? Check out this FAQ. Oh SNAP, you Say!! Not living in Houston, or even in the great state of Texas? I got your mama self starter PDF right here.  Feel free to purchase before the 40 weeks, so you can be ahead of the game come labor time. And I need to tell you that while there are things that you can do to get yourself as on time and awesome as possible, attempting to get labor started before full term is not within the scope of this pdf. Unless your baby is ready. Pat Jones, Houston midwife and local hero, says “There is hardly anything you can do to keep a baby in when he’s ready, and hardly anything you can do to get him out if he’s not.”   Shoot me an email if you are not sure if it’s right for you, and step right up and get you some PDF labor whispering empowerment if it is. xo, Rowan

Best Prenatal Massage Ever – $145

Not to be weird, but would you like to feel really good? Muscles relaxed, mind serene, loose and fluid, world peace flowing from your pores? Renewed and feeling beyond awesome? Be jazzed about your baby and upcoming birth? No problemo. This is the massage for you.

Relaaaaaax.

What if you are high risk, pregnant with twins, bleeding early, on bed rest or what have you? Still no problem, I can still totally see you, do excellent work. I have a super high skill set,  probably as a result of my constant learning and my turtle pace for completing my midwifery training, so let me know what’s placed you in the high risk category.

If you can safely come to me, great, otherwise we will do an outcall to your place. (Outside the loop incurs milage, and there is a fee increase, but it’s not like powerball huge or anything.)

Check out the Best Pregnancy EVER! Gift Package for the luckiest mamas ever.

A note about IN-STUDIO SERVICES:

All services last approximately an hour and 30 minutes and are provided in-studio by appointment only, payable in plastic, cash or check. New client? Please download and complete the client intake form and bring it with you to your first visit. Please & Thank You.

Well Belly & Scar Reduction – $145 Problem: Know what? Scars can really mess up your life. It’s what you don’t see that is dangerous.

Large and in charge.
What you see is not what you get!

When they occur internally, your organs, muscles, and bones are bound together with some crazy strong connective tissue that your body sets up as an overachieving healing response. Abdominal scars can occur after ANY abdominal surgeries,  gall bladder removal, appendix, lap band, tube tying, endometrious scopes, colon resections and, of course, hysterectomies and surgical births, causing wonky adhesions (like in your diagphram, hello shortness of breath!), upsetting digestive, reproductive and structural systems.

Folks who have had breast augmentation or removal can create scarring that restricts movement and looks like hell. And really, chest pride is awesome, especially when you’ve had surgery to get you there. So let me help with that, k? Got scars other places? Like from when you where ten and broke your arm being Evel Knievel? Still doable. South of the border? No biggie. I can work wherever, whenever, we will navigate it together. Teamwork

love.
Here is the Plan: Lets work together to reduce them, one little adhesion at a time. I don’t want you to have a life where your organs and reproduction aren’t working well. Not going to accept that. NO.

Heat, conversation, massage and aromatherapy commonly un~adhere the scars from the underlying tissues, creating EASE and an increase in function. I’ll set you up with the magic scar reducing massage oil blend and I’m going to coach you on how to massage and heal yourself, so you may decide to quit me, but that’s ok. Your healing and happy is what this session is all about. PS This is suuuuper important for mamas wanting more babies. Dr Davidson over at Ben Taub says that adhesions and scars is the number one VBAC nemesis.

Doulas Rock. **Think about how long a bride plans for her wedding, and then compare that to how much time folks invest into education and planning for a birth. Let’s shift all that. A doula helps you look at options, offers feedback as you design and decide what would feel best for your baby’s birth. Hospital, birth center, at home, what’s right for you? Where do you feel best? Who do you want there? What medication (if any)? ‘Cause really the worst (and funniest) response to the question, “Do you have a birth plan?” was “I’m planning to have a God damn baby, why do you think I’m here?!

Best Massage Doula EVER  Package~ $1900 Includes one prenatal visit so we can get to know each other, your partner can meet me, and we review the birth plan, and then:

3 Prenatal Massage sessions

1 Labor Whisperer massage session (where we get your pelvis muscles loose and juicy, energy blockages cleared, and the labor ball rolling) 1 Postpartum Session to help reset your body chemistry, check on your belly and take care of any sore new mommy muscles. 1 in-home awesome postpartum FOOT MASSAGE with clapping and cheering for you ’cause you did such a great job birthing your baby. Unlimited hours of labor support, and massage massage massage during your labor. Let’s do our best to provide You and Your family the birth you desire. Please review the Doula Contract to learn more. ** some clever doula that is not me first came up with this analogy.

Ever give a gift that you were totally  pumped about, and they were soooo not into it?Yeah, thats exactly what happened with these glasses. I was so EXCITED to give them to my honey, and were they well received? No. Not even a little. This doesn’t ever have to be your story. Best gift ever? Prenatal massage with Rowan

Want to be the best friend/in-law/sister ever? Whoa, I gotcha covered! Best Pregnancy Ever- $1600

  • 9 Prenatal Massage sessions
  • 1 Bring It, Baby! massage session (where we get mama’s muscles loose and juicy, energy blockages cleared, and the labor ball rolling)
  • 1 Postpartum Session to help reset mama’s body chemistry, check on her belly and take care of any sore new mommy muscles.

And because I’m pretty sure I’m going to be in love with you and your family at this point I’m going to come to  hospital or home and give an awesome FOOT MASSAGE and clap and cheer. ‘Cause Mama’s Rock.

 

High risk pregnancy? No problemo.UCGC_230px

Best Pregnancy Ever- $1400

  • 9 Prenatal Massage sessions
  • 1 Bring It, Baby! massage session (where we get mama’s muscles loose and juicy, energy blockages cleared, and the labor ball rolling)
  • 1 Postpartum Session to help reset mama’s body chemistry, check on her belly and take care of any sore new mommy muscles.

  And because I’m pretty sure I’m going to be in love with mama, baby and new family at this point I’d like to come to  hospital or home and give an awesome FOOT MASSAGE and clap and cheer. ‘Cause Mamas Rock.  

Have someone in your life that you would super love love love to support, be there for?

But you can’t cause you are:

 far away,

have relationship tension (maybe a new MIL where the relationship is not always perfect, or the mother, or the …..)

deployed,

clueless, and would not be of help anyway.

Considering gifting. Seriously.

Read this over, imagining you are mama. Feel the love? Feel the support?

Best Massage Doula EVER  Package~ $1900

Includes one prenatal visit so we can get to know each other, your partner can meet me, and we review the birth plan, and then:

3 Prenatal Massage sessions

1 Labor Whisperer massage session (where we get your pelvis muscles loose and juicy, energy blockages cleared, and the labor ball rolling) 1 Postpartum Session to help reset your body chemistry, check on your belly and take care of any sore new mommy muscles. 1 in-home awesome postpartum FOOT MASSAGE with clapping and cheering for you cause you did such a great job birthing your baby. Unlimited hours of labor support, and massage massage massage during your labor. Let’s do our best to provide You and Your family the birth you desire. Please review the Doula Contract to learn more.

Know what would be totally rad?   If you had a guide to healing your belly, post surgical birth. After the C-section. This is important. Scars, internally, can jack up your intestinal tracts, tacking your bladder in weird spots, leaning you towards incontinence. Digestion may also be affected if adhesions (internal scar tissue) start pulling to and fro, upsetting the balance and tone.

Visually, they can be upsetting and change the shape of your belly to a muffin top poochy business, even if you are not a muffin top type of lady. Rowan to the rescue! I’m typing as fast as my little fingers (ok, big fingers) can go. I’ll have a digital guide to healing soon. Get on my mailing list, and you will be the first to know when it’s out. Me. You. Healing. Its totally doable. Talk soon, K?

Oh tarot, you know I love you. It probably loves me back.

I’ve been reading cards for about twenty years, most of those years professionally. Two choices: I can read for you, either in person or online. Use the “Book Now”/get read by Rowan link to make it happen. Choice 2) I can teach you how to read your own self. The Friday Night Witches and Bitches club meets at Texas Art Asylum right here in Houston, its an ongoing start-where-you-are type of class. That rules.

There is wine, shit talking, self expression, lots of learning. It’s AWESOME. 3rd option (it’s not finished yet, so thats why I didn’t mention it before)  a self study online course for Tarot Creatives. I’ll get that to ya next Halloween, 2014! So let’s get to reading!

Got this today in a Facebook message from another massage therapist, she was talking ’bout my website. That is the most bad ass site I have seen in a long while! I could learn lots from you! Dude your one awesome lady I must say! Thats what folks are supposed to say when they see your prime ONE real estate, right? Your web site? The site that pimps your skillz, engages the reader, and lets them know your personal juju. Amy does that for me. in a XONF! way.*

Thank the website gods for Amy. Seriously. Pay Attention Folks, cause this a love story. Dont wanna hear the adoration fest? Wanna get your web on? Skip ahead. I was set up on a blind date with this hottie one time, but I didnt realize it was a date, or a meetcha or whatever. And I was newly in a relationship, so wasn’t interested. At all. Lucky me. Cause when I met Amy, she decided to start coming to me for bodywork, and somewhere in all this she said I needed a website. In 2002. This is the beginning of Amy telling me what to do. It was embarrasing. Pages of Long Ass Rambling Copy, going nowhere, The actual website looked great, Amy’s part rocked, but my part, the words written on the page,

SUCKED.

I want to say right now THANK GODS she loved my bodywork. I needed her, and she has stuck with me.

We are on our third, yes three!! times, complete overhaul of my website. I can hear the screaming and crying now, “But its so good! So well done!!! A work of perfection!!” Oh come on now, that’s how we roll. We are gonna make some shit more awesome that you have ever dreamed possible. My answer to YOUR question of how can you some AMY? Sadly, maybe not going to happen guys. See, she’s a fancy artist now. And her plate is overflowing full. SO she’s taking a few clients on the side, but I mostly I like her best full of paint, hanging in her studio, and making ART in her most fabulous ways. MAKE ART,  NOT WEBSITES! So good thing for you I have a Plan. Plan A ~ For technotards like myself, folks with low tech skills, all heart and warm fuzzies, Step 1) get a FB business page.  This is mine, a fine example. Step 2) get yourself a pinterest page, like this bad girl: Urban Curandera Pinterest. Step 3) Link it to a Genbook Site. Look over my Urban Curandera Genbook Page, works great as a standalone website. It has what you need:  services, fee structures, reviews, and waaaaay most importantly lets folks schedule a freaking appointment without a bunch of lame ass phone tag. 20 bucks, monthly, an extra $15 for the social media part (do it). So add a “Book Now” Genbook link to your Fb page, and you are already rocking away. Trust me on this. And when you sign up, use this link cause i get a kickback. This is the advice I would of given myself 20 years a go when I fist started out. I could of made 3 times the money that first year with this advice. dude. sob.   What’s that you SAY?

You fancy yourself a web designer, or at least a little more savy? You want to be a little more snazzy, have a newsletter and email list, and more bang for your buck? Great, lets roll out plan B. You’re gonna need you some Forest so that your web presence doesn’t suck and look half ass. Forest Linden, is the hubs of a Bschool Sister and my something special that defies current words Bari Tessler.   He is alson known as the !Tech Husband! 

He is teaching folks how run an online business with his Web Tech Genius course.  If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by all the tech stuff you need to run a business, this is a game changer. dude. Forest has created a comprehensive, step-by-step video course on how to use all the web tools and software you need to create an online business that works and doesn’t super stinky suck. He walks you through every step in a sweet, fun way that actually makes sense. He doesn’t yell at you when you screw up, look around with a glazed look, hide in the garage or play a role playing game when you ask a question or have to watch a video (again). If you’ve been thinking about selling online courses, home study programs, or services like coaching, bodywork, doula care or some other awesome shit I haven’t heard of yet cause your online presence is weak, but the tech mumbo jumbo has been holding you up, this is for you.  The best part:  you don’t need to be tech savvy (at all) to do this. Just ready to watch again and again as needed. Which you can do. Totally no problem. Disclaimer ~ I get a kickback, but so far nothing major. Not like some tech husband sperm, or something, now we are TALKING!. Little tech babies!! ok, sorry (Bari) I got carried away. So if you are not totally stupid, sign up for Forest’s Web Tech class and get yourself going. Now. NOW NOW NOW NOW. Not ready to sign up? No problem, hop on over there and watch his free videos. See how much you can get done with free. Then decide if you are ready to get your prime real estate into the big leagues. The rest of us can stick with Plan A. XO to the Max, Rowan   * One day I was taking care of Amy after a surgery, a post op doula if you will, and we were at the drugstore killing time while we got her prescriptions filled. Trying on sunglasses, I said, ” Do you know what I’m going to do with  my nude modeling money?” And I got this look.

“Start from the beginning.” So I told her how I’d been discovered(!) in a coffee house cause an art teacher needed a curvey girl for her students, and somehow this involved being nude. I was pretty blase’ about it. Lauren, Amy’s honey, was not. She proclamed that she would of forked everyone in the eye who would of gazed upon Amy’s naked glory. So since then i’ve been Suuuuper careful to always make sure Amy and Lauren know that I love Amy to peices, in, you know, a non fork way 🙂 Every email I write ends in XONF!