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Doulas Rock. **Think about how long a bride plans for her wedding, and then compare that to how much time folks invest into education and planning for a birth. Let’s shift all that. A doula helps you look at options, offers feedback as you design and decide what would feel best for your baby’s birth. Hospital, birth center, at home, what’s right for you? Where do you feel best? Who do you want there? What medication (if any)? ‘Cause really the worst (and funniest) response to the question, “Do you have a birth plan?” was “I’m planning to have a God damn baby, why do you think I’m here?!

Best Massage Doula EVER  Package~ $1900 Includes one prenatal visit so we can get to know each other, your partner can meet me, and we review the birth plan, and then:

3 Prenatal Massage sessions

1 Labor Whisperer massage session (where we get your pelvis muscles loose and juicy, energy blockages cleared, and the labor ball rolling) 1 Postpartum Session to help reset your body chemistry, check on your belly and take care of any sore new mommy muscles. 1 in-home awesome postpartum FOOT MASSAGE with clapping and cheering for you ’cause you did such a great job birthing your baby. Unlimited hours of labor support, and massage massage massage during your labor. Let’s do our best to provide You and Your family the birth you desire. Please review the Doula Contract to learn more. ** some clever doula that is not me first came up with this analogy.

Ever give a gift that you were totally  pumped about, and they were soooo not into it?Yeah, thats exactly what happened with these glasses. I was so EXCITED to give them to my honey, and were they well received? No. Not even a little. This doesn’t ever have to be your story. Best gift ever? Prenatal massage with Rowan

Want to be the best friend/in-law/sister ever? Whoa, I gotcha covered! Best Pregnancy Ever- $1600

  • 9 Prenatal Massage sessions
  • 1 Bring It, Baby! massage session (where we get mama’s muscles loose and juicy, energy blockages cleared, and the labor ball rolling)
  • 1 Postpartum Session to help reset mama’s body chemistry, check on her belly and take care of any sore new mommy muscles.

And because I’m pretty sure I’m going to be in love with you and your family at this point I’m going to come to  hospital or home and give an awesome FOOT MASSAGE and clap and cheer. ‘Cause Mama’s Rock.

 

High risk pregnancy? No problemo.UCGC_230px

Best Pregnancy Ever- $1400

  • 9 Prenatal Massage sessions
  • 1 Bring It, Baby! massage session (where we get mama’s muscles loose and juicy, energy blockages cleared, and the labor ball rolling)
  • 1 Postpartum Session to help reset mama’s body chemistry, check on her belly and take care of any sore new mommy muscles.

  And because I’m pretty sure I’m going to be in love with mama, baby and new family at this point I’d like to come to  hospital or home and give an awesome FOOT MASSAGE and clap and cheer. ‘Cause Mamas Rock.  

Have someone in your life that you would super love love love to support, be there for?

But you can’t cause you are:

 far away,

have relationship tension (maybe a new MIL where the relationship is not always perfect, or the mother, or the …..)

deployed,

clueless, and would not be of help anyway.

Considering gifting. Seriously.

Read this over, imagining you are mama. Feel the love? Feel the support?

Best Massage Doula EVER  Package~ $1900

Includes one prenatal visit so we can get to know each other, your partner can meet me, and we review the birth plan, and then:

3 Prenatal Massage sessions

1 Labor Whisperer massage session (where we get your pelvis muscles loose and juicy, energy blockages cleared, and the labor ball rolling) 1 Postpartum Session to help reset your body chemistry, check on your belly and take care of any sore new mommy muscles. 1 in-home awesome postpartum FOOT MASSAGE with clapping and cheering for you cause you did such a great job birthing your baby. Unlimited hours of labor support, and massage massage massage during your labor. Let’s do our best to provide You and Your family the birth you desire. Please review the Doula Contract to learn more.

Any of y’all been “Over Due?”

Like all eyes on you, you’re having sporadic contactions, and the daily query…….”Is it time yet?” That’s me. I’m contracting, rhythmic referred pain in my inner thighs, all excited. Almost there! I’ll have the Labor Whispering~ Mapbook for Mamas out in a month. Tops. Designed to help mamas everywhere go through any inner blockages, and clear the way for an empowered birth, start their labor. So cloooooose. Right now I need soft sweet comments of encouragement, you know, like you would for a mama in labor? xo, Rowan

Oh tarot, you know I love you. It probably loves me back.

I’ve been reading cards for about twenty years, most of those years professionally. Two choices: I can read for you, either in person or online. Use the “Book Now”/get read by Rowan link to make it happen. Choice 2) I can teach you how to read your own self. The Friday Night Witches and Bitches club meets at Texas Art Asylum right here in Houston, its an ongoing start-where-you-are type of class. That rules.

There is wine, shit talking, self expression, lots of learning. It’s AWESOME. 3rd option (it’s not finished yet, so thats why I didn’t mention it before)  a self study online course for Tarot Creatives. I’ll get that to ya next Halloween, 2014! So let’s get to reading!

I want to share the love, so when you buy a gift certificate ….

I’m going to give You one as well. ‘Cause that’s how I roll. PAYPAL BUTTON HERE $145 for two Questions? email me.

Ever have a case of the hots so big it ENGULFS you? Body warm and tingly, all amped up and ready to GO GO GO? Perfect, cause that’s a great way to get your hormones going, and thats what this game is all about, right?

Or how about another brother from another mother?

This is the deal, YOUR orgasm gets the sex hormones flowing, and your cervix responding, so lets implement what i call the “Orgasm a Day Plan,” or ODP for short.   With the ODP its not super necessary that you are getting sperm by your cervix, although a little prostaglandins wouldn’t hurt (like sperm or evening primrose.) The real goal here is to have a massively awesome “OHHHHHHHHH,” and then reap the benefits of all that relaxing and cervical softening. So starting around 37 weeks, earlier if you’d like ( and really who wouldn’t?!!) start the OAD plan and lest see if we can get that cervix dilating, soft and ready so that when its GO GO Gadget Labor time, you have way less work to do. Whoot Whoot! xo, Rowan Dig this post? Signup for my newsletter to get more action, lol.

Have you seen this awesome picture? That’s baby and mama in a healing sacred herb bath, four hours after his amazing home birth. Notice the dim lights, the look on that baby’s face, the overall vibe? The following piece of sage advice was written by a new papa, this new papa. He and his incredible wife T had the most amazing home birth, and he was doing his best to keep the sacred vibe rolling ~ How To Visit a Newborn – bring food.* – wash dishes. – help with laundry. fold some towels. – refill mama’s water glass. – be aware that you are entering a sacred space, where mama and baby have enacted a tangible miracle, love made flesh. enter with quiet reverence, please. – papa, whether he realizes it or not, is the guardian of a sacred space. please do what you can to make his job easier. – please limit your visit to a couple of hours at absolute most, limit photography to the bare minimum, and limit the number of people in the birthing room. – wash your hands. – modulate the tone and volume of your voice. you don’t have to whisper, but loud noise will disturb baby. – please leave any gifts in your car. if you must bring gifts, set them down someplace out of the way, and tell papa “We got you guys an (x).” – baby has three jobs: eating, sleeping and pooping. – mama has three jobs: resting, healing and feeding baby. – If your presence isn’t helping mama or baby perform one of their three jobs, ask yourself why you have entered their space. – baby is not a rock star, an NFL quarterback, or a lingerie model. baby will be disturbed by lots of strange giants pointing flashing, clicking devices at him. this is where UFO abduction nightmares come from. – if mama or baby is looking tired or stressed, make your graceful exit immediately. this applies even if you just got here ten minutes ago. – as you make your timely and graceful exit, grab the trash bag and drop it in the outside bin. – all of these guidelines and regulations may seem onerous and restrictive. Daddy may seem like a cranky asshole. mama and papa and baby have all just been through a major upheaval in their lives. adjusting to that, and tending to the daily needs of all three, is an enormous job. show respect. – baby is forming non-verbal associations that will last his entire life. if you want to continue to be a part of his life, you want him to associate you with warmth and comfort and relaxation. Signed, Cranky Hippie New Dad   * Have I ever talked about my stepmother? No, well thats probably because we have diametrical views on pretty much everything, but one thing we can both get behind is being gracious. And bringing food. So let’s just call this first point Betty Anderson Approved.

Talking to Smokey Red, a cab driver that was toting me back from an outcall, spurred this post.

He thinks driving a cab fucking sucks. He had a list of reasons it wasn’t working for him, and a resteraunt supply catalog jammed up on his dashboard. Said he’d only be driving a cab for 4 or 5, maybe even 6 weeks more. He had visions of a food trailer, toting barbecue, feeding people, that’s his passion. So what’s the plan, cab driving man? “Well, I don’t really have it written down, its all in my head.” And I wanted to support him, kick him in the ass a little, cause I don’t want it to stay “all in his head.” Keeping it all in your head makes you nuts. At first you obssess about your good idea, then you tallk about it all the time, and somehow all this talking makes you think you are getting somehwere, you buy a few random items that could, in theory, be part of your empire, if they, you know, worked right, had that missing wheel, or in the case of Smokey Red, if his trailer was code compliant, had that extra critical thingamabober, whatever. But in reality what you have is a bunch of wasted time, shit talking, friends and family who dont wanna hear about “your good idea” anymore, and a bunch of broken down crap and clutter. If it was a tarot reading, it would look like this.

Enter the year 2012, The Year of Getting Shit Done.  Not an entrepruner you say? Thats cool, expand yourself, try these out on your nine to fiver or on your domestic goddess domain, or stop reading right now, but for the love of biscuits find SOMETHING that contributes to your personal growth. Not your spouse, not the dogs, not the kids, but for YOUUUUUUUUU. Just You, we will all be better for it. Still with me? Great. Step right on over and sign up for this dude’s blog, Chuck Blakeman. He wrote a piece about how to effectively goal set, and instead of either sweeping general plans (see above) he wants you to figure out your next set of goals, cause we all know shit gets real when you write it down. Lets do a quick check in here, HOW ARE THOSE NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS DOING? you know, the ones you made like less than two weeks ago? Yeah, thats what she said. Gee. Lets try something different. Won’t it be FUCKING AMAZING to not be staring back at 2012 going, “well damn, another year of not getting blah blah blah done.” Instead we will be doing elaborate secret code handshakes cause we rule our school, invested in ourselves, and created the life we want. We can be cool like that. Yes. Do me a favor (and you too) Comment below. Pick one from your list of 4-10 and tell me what this month’s objective is. Look, I’ll go first. I’m gonna relocate my clinic, move a bunch of furniture, and temporarily work from my groovy tree house apt while my awesome landlady, her old man, and myself build out my fantasy healing art space in the studio below the apt. For reals. We will, we will, rock this. Tell me your dream thats gonna come true. xo to the max, rowan