Screwed the pooch, my d!ck’s in the dirt, for some reason all my analogies feature the glorious peen, or an activity there of. And I must admit I feel a wee(!) bit better each time I say it. D!ck.

I’m fixin to totally disregard the sage advice of my personal entrepreneurial hero, and do a little growing up in public. See, I moved my clinic space. Into my apt. The groovy yet oh so small apt. On a Saturday afternoon. After I saw clients. With a help of a bunch of friends in the Soji Power collective. (and apparently I am, strike that, was a nasty dirty woman, my god I had never seen dust bunnies like that. I blame the puppy.) Soji Power in action! And even with all this help (and some awesome paint from the folks at New Living), you know what? I wasn’t ready to see clients on Monday. Canceled more folks on Tuesday (complete with a FB meltdown) and on Wednesday, feeling shaky but pushing through, thirty minutes before my first client, the electricity gets cut off. I’m clueless. I can’t even tell if I’ve flipped a breaker or what. I’ve received no threatening letters, I payed in full last month, so I give em a call and yes, mam, I got turned off. Well excuse, fucking, me, I apparently need a PhD in bill deciphering and heiroglyphics to understand when and how much and why exactly I’m paying more during months that Im not EVEN USING THE AC than during the summer. You know, that summer where it only rained once for 15 minutes. In May. As a side note, I could go on and on about the lack of customer service and civility, but I won’t. Bitches. (I’m looking at you, Green Mountain.) So I had to do what my girl Crys Williams just wrote about, I had to deal with what came up after I wrote the “I’m gonna have to let you down,” email. It was way hard, and the texts too. I sucked, I’m awful, and my massage would be on par with Massage Envy or something, which is not even close to good enough for me. Just like Crys said, the world didn’t implode. Folks were sweet, and I was bathed in love. Some had less love than others, but love was there. So this has me wondering. Could I have built in more time to get settled? More time to get the vibe right? Cause it wasn’t about needing the money, thank you Bari Tessler, so I didn’t have to rush back to work, was it an old habit or que? I think it was my standard M.O., and as I offer services with more depth, infused with richer energy, more clarity, and deeper connection, moving forward requires the energy to be right, the flow deep, and the love pure for me to do my best work. Cause thats what folks come to me for, right? So after some more time, more tweaking, the vibe is right. Moving forward I’m going to remember to give myself the the time, the grace, to get it right. Instead of pushing pushing pushing, cramming to much in at once. More breath, less cram.   Since we are all in this together leave me a comment below if you have a standard operating procedure that no longer serves, and lets kick that to the curb. xo to the max, Rowan ps. need more peen? of course you do!

Talking to Smokey Red, a cab driver that was toting me back from an outcall, spurred this post.

He thinks driving a cab fucking sucks. He had a list of reasons it wasn’t working for him, and a resteraunt supply catalog jammed up on his dashboard. Said he’d only be driving a cab for 4 or 5, maybe even 6 weeks more. He had visions of a food trailer, toting barbecue, feeding people, that’s his passion. So what’s the plan, cab driving man? “Well, I don’t really have it written down, its all in my head.” And I wanted to support him, kick him in the ass a little, cause I don’t want it to stay “all in his head.” Keeping it all in your head makes you nuts. At first you obssess about your good idea, then you tallk about it all the time, and somehow all this talking makes you think you are getting somehwere, you buy a few random items that could, in theory, be part of your empire, if they, you know, worked right, had that missing wheel, or in the case of Smokey Red, if his trailer was code compliant, had that extra critical thingamabober, whatever. But in reality what you have is a bunch of wasted time, shit talking, friends and family who dont wanna hear about “your good idea” anymore, and a bunch of broken down crap and clutter. If it was a tarot reading, it would look like this.

Enter the year 2012, The Year of Getting Shit Done.  Not an entrepruner you say? Thats cool, expand yourself, try these out on your nine to fiver or on your domestic goddess domain, or stop reading right now, but for the love of biscuits find SOMETHING that contributes to your personal growth. Not your spouse, not the dogs, not the kids, but for YOUUUUUUUUU. Just You, we will all be better for it. Still with me? Great. Step right on over and sign up for this dude’s blog, Chuck Blakeman. He wrote a piece about how to effectively goal set, and instead of either sweeping general plans (see above) he wants you to figure out your next set of goals, cause we all know shit gets real when you write it down. Lets do a quick check in here, HOW ARE THOSE NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS DOING? you know, the ones you made like less than two weeks ago? Yeah, thats what she said. Gee. Lets try something different. Won’t it be FUCKING AMAZING to not be staring back at 2012 going, “well damn, another year of not getting blah blah blah done.” Instead we will be doing elaborate secret code handshakes cause we rule our school, invested in ourselves, and created the life we want. We can be cool like that. Yes. Do me a favor (and you too) Comment below. Pick one from your list of 4-10 and tell me what this month’s objective is. Look, I’ll go first. I’m gonna relocate my clinic, move a bunch of furniture, and temporarily work from my groovy tree house apt while my awesome landlady, her old man, and myself build out my fantasy healing art space in the studio below the apt. For reals. We will, we will, rock this. Tell me your dream thats gonna come true. xo to the max, rowan

My sweet client Hill texted me this morning, I think my baby might be in a funky position, stabbing pain on L side every day now and then for the last few days. How can I get Baby to move? After a few texts back and forth to determine where on her left side, we decided to chat by phone. The pain is right above her hip, on her side and wrapping round to her back. She had a few concerns about kidney issues, but I think we can try some baby shifting, and see if that helps. Enter here the awesome Spinning Babies concept. I attended a workshop by Gail Tully because of an off hand comment from Mean Kathleen Wilson, the Labor Enabler. Whoooooo, that was a bunch of awesome info. So this is what I think would be a good idea for Hill, a couple of 30 second inversions, morning and night,

followed by some slant time,

And lets see if we get her some relief from there. I want to take a moment to give props to midwife Gail Tully for her awesome work and teachings. Thank you thank you thank you! Has anyone else spun their baby? Doulas, mama’s, birth folks, whatcha think about this? Leave me a comment so I can see how its working for ya! xo, rowan

Here is the deal. I’ve been working it like no other in the financial therapy dept, and this so far has pretty much sucked. SUUUUUUCKED. I’m moody, I’m not leaving the house much except to do fabulous work, to walk the dogs and occasionally hoop.

I’m looking at the past, and creating a new future. Fan fucking tastic. Cue up breakthrough number 83 ~ I realized I have a pretty rough relationship with money, and I want to have a smooth sailing, I feel you, this is a team, empathy relationship with money. Muy differente. And this is not my first rodeo, people. Ran with the scissors of Dave Ramsey, read books by Lynne Twist, learned about the Soul Of Money, and been on the floor of the SuperDome one year after Katrina, listening to Suze Orman tell the NOLA ladies that they had paved their own way to Hell by giving away their resources, and that she would teach them how to never, ever be there again. Thats a pretty big swing, right? Scissors to soul softness to the cold floor of the Superdome (that, by the way, a year after Katrina still vibed up despair.) Oh money, who are you? I thought about that, and I thought about dating money, go for a walk, a dinner, a dance, what would money look like? Cause I’m clear that I’m creating a face for money, much like folks create a face for divine source (God, Pan, Athena, HP, whatever.) So what would money look like, whose face is staring back at me over the candlelight? Know who I really wanted it to be? She’s so fly, I could wear her t~shirts, listen to her music, be DOWNNNNNNNNNNN.

No such luck. There I was, laying all angsty across my bed, hoping for Ani, when a sense of peace filled me, and the face of a man I’d admired for a long time floated into my mind. Someone who had changed my life for the better. Many times. Steve. Steve put a computer in my pocket, strengthened my bizness, gave me professional leverage and made me not AFRAID of computers. Creative genius that allowed me to be a creative genius. Steve also represents to me an authenticity with money, that you can make mistakes, be a jerk, get thrown out of your own company, learn from it, have vision, wear what you want, and remain yourself. Do cool things cause you want to, be real. Creativity with money. Nice. So this is the face of money for me, the energy I ask to take walks with me, to sit with me when I have to negotiate a piece of financial intricacy, be with me when I’m nervous and whelmd. Steve.

I have this taped up on a mirror in my living space, so I can chat and get reassurance that I’m going to make it through all this intense learning. Thanks again Mr. Jobs. I still need you. xo, Rowan ps If anyone has a left over Justin Beiber popup they bought for a halloween joke from Arne’s I’ll take it off your hands,  I wanna collage all over it and have a LIFE SIZE Steve collage. Yes, I will be the most awesome kid in school then, fist pump!

How freaking awesome is this? The sweetest moment, captured by this photograph, when mom sees her baby for the first time, often remembering that her strong work of the past hours brought this baby here, it’s a timeless piece of joy. Folks who are not used to birth maybe concerned about the baby drowning, so let me remind you that baby’s breathe when their faces feel the air, and right now connected to mama through the umbilical cord sweet bebe’ is receiving oxygenated blood, so there is plenty of O2 into baby. Thank you National Geographic, for running this awesome contest. And thank you strong mamas, especially this strong mama, for sharing your birth with us. much love, rowan ps anybody notice anything about where this was taken?

Howdy Mamas. Ever thought of laughing yourself into labor? The Laugh until you Pee* method, a soon to be trademarked technique  just now coined by yours truly, is gaur on teeeed to work, well, not really but you WILL be in a much better mood. Start with this website, Happy Place

And if you aren’t contracting yet, go clear your bladder and read on….. Humor courtesy of our smart phones.   Need  more? Great, cause I started this Pinterest Board just for You, Laughter to Labor. And thats what I got, cause many times going into labor happens when Moms feel safe and happy, babies are ready, and Dads have a beer.   xo, Rowan *Ha! I totally know its not hard for you to pee on yourself, but you get the idea. AND it may not be pee this time, so there.

I’m talking to you, pregnant mama in Houston. I’ve contracted with supah awesome knitter Hoopin Kim (thats her, waaay down below) to knit up a bunch of these super cute cotton boobie hats for infants*, some life like (looking like a real breast, gasp!) and some more abstract. Who they for? Well, for you of course! I’m going to give ’em to my mamas who come in for the Bring It Baby! Labor prep massage, to help them represent. What be that, the fabulous Labor Whisperer Session prep massage you ask? This massage is where we do everything I can think of to get your body and mind ready for the most empowered birth possible. Some time labor starts right then and there, like a spontaneous natural labor induction, while other times labor takes her time, starting in the next couple of days. So mamas leave me all relaxed, happy, ready to birth AND a newborn boobie hat. Everybody wins! xo, Rowan * Heres a pattern for ya ~ 

Here is my girl Mean Kathleen Wilson, looking fly. See, she’s the rock star doula of Houston, Texas. Otherwise known as the SHIZ. She has an amazing birth story, wanna read? Birth of baby Lola right here! Not enough for ya? How ’bout some photos? Notice that as a self respecting massage doula, I’m only in two photos, one of which is my hands on Mean Kathleen’s feet. FYI: Lola is named after me.* I went by Lola in the ’90s while working in a psych hospital in Florida. L O L A …..Lola. Welcome to Earth, sweet girl. xo, Rowan ps feel free to comment on how awesome the photography is, or her story, or whatever strikes your fancy 🙂 * not really, but it still makes me feel good.

Howdy~ Ever lost your sh!t over money? The major melt down that looks like, “Screw it, I’ll never figure this out, my next option is to throw my self off the 59 bridge.” Below is an actual excerpt of a meltdown email, written by moi …..

      I got it last night (as I wept to myself in frustration and anger) that I don’t have enough money to manage. That I constantly scheme and move shit around to make things work, and that I’m exhausted and cant seem to possibly work any harder, and didn’t want to face a brick wall of reality of oh shit Im doing everything I can think of, and its still not enough, oh fuck, what now.

What happened then? Cause this is pretty neat airplane nose dive, right? Going one way, and thats down. Crash and burn. Flames. Done. I looked at my primary agreements around money…..       My agreements seem to be that I will work nonstop and never change the outcome.  Then I assessed the situation, without the emotions….      I am a mess And then I decided to change my mantra, and get healp (you know healing help, HEALP HEALP!!) ……….  I have a vision. a series of videos on how to help women get preg, mind, emotion, body & spirit. bschool style.  I can rock this. i can open myself up to more flow. I am of tremendous value, and today I am showing myself that with money. Thanks for holding my hand as I navigate this rough sea, rowan   Like who do you even send an email like this to? All full of typos, miss spellings and just raw PAIN? The I just threw up, I’m so not pretty, can you help me get the spew out of my hair email?! I sent this to my girl Bari, with who I’m doing a program with, an online course to help me just start TRACKING my money, which has all let all my “I am financial loser,” feeling-a-thon rise up. Wanna know why this is wonderful? Cause all this has been buried deep, so deep. And as it bubbles up, I can address it, look at it, lance that nasty boil, (ooooh, you so nasty!) All those (40) years of not good enough, thats not a real job, why cant you keep your money shit together like everyone else, what the HELL is wrong with you, that I have super squashed into a tiny little spot in my foot or some other place that hurts like hell. I said LANCE THAT [email protected]!! Get some massive RELIEF. See what Bari sent back?

Rowan,  i hear you. i see you. i feel you. i understand. hang in there...you are clearly on the brink of change here. and the waters can be rough and then they will smooth out, but the rough ones need to be ridden...as you know. i have been there. the slow movement will speed up...just continue... And, hold the Vision...I love it. And, YOU would Rock it. I will hold this with you.
The world needs you to do this and bring this to them!  with love, bari

Is that just perfect or what? Like a cool compress on an angry bursting boil, easing the transition, and not afraid of the spew and goo. I adore this woman. Therapist turned financial maven. She has a a new program starting up.  Its about money and worth and something else and hell I don’t really know. I just know that I’ll be there, watching my little inbox and doing what she says. Cause I’m totally over being poisoned by toxic money beliefs, and this the YEAR of getting it together. So join me learning from Bari , see if you love her as much as I do. I’m not going to suffer like this any more. Its painful. Join me in healing. All in this together, Rowan